I’ve Been a Feminist Since the Fifth Grade 

In the 5^th grade, I tried out for the lead role in my elementary school’s production of Othello, as Iago. Iago is the duplicitous “friend” to Othello, so filled with jealousy and rage over having been overlooked for Lieutenant, that he singlehandedly sets out to destroy Othello’s life. None of the other female characters in the play interested me.

They lacked depth or strength or even a sort of deviousness that I desired to play. No, If I was going to be anyone, it would be Iago. I had the confidence, the cockiness and the sheer desire to play him. I was intimidated by no one and nothing. I just wasn’t a boy.

I remember the principal and my teacher expressing some trepidation about allowing me to play Iago. They weren’t sure I could pull it off, I remember them saying. They knew I was more than capable, as I read and spoke very articulately at that young age. But they shared doubts about allowing a girl to play the role. I can only guess where those doubts really came from.

Maybe they felt it was too risky having me play a man’s part because of my age or the gender politics it could have raised, maybe they doubted I could be convincing or they could have worried I’d embarrass myself and in turn, embarrass them. None of that really mattered to me. I got the part and I worked twice as hard to be halfway convincing as the scheming male antagonist of a Shakespearean tragedy.

“But they shared doubts about allowing a girl to play the role. I can only guess where those doubts really came from.“

I went home every day and studied my lines, and the lines of everyone else in the play. I worked on my walk and deepening the tone of my voice. I needed, as a girl, to project an effortless confidence that I was told “men naturally possess.”  Through months and hours of preparation, it all came together. Maybe too well. My defining memory of the day of that performance was when it was over. An older woman came up to me and asked in Spanish: “eres niño o niña?” Was I a boy or girl.

Under normal circumstances, I would have been offended. Instead, I was flattered. On a very small scale, I had done my part in challenging gender expectations not only for myself but also maybe for others around me. At least, I hoped so. It’s that sort of defiance that has defined who I am for much of my life. It remains with me to this day.